There is nothing in the letter about him cheating and she comes down very hard on his sexual activity during a prolonged breakup, so I feel certain she would have marshaled her evidence if she had anything to justify her insecurities, but she knows shes got the anxiety problem and that the insecurity was on her. But when you start to constantly lock horns with your partner to the point that any conversation devolves into conflict, it could mean that both of you are placing emotional protection above emotional connection, psychotherapist Skylar Ibarra, LCSW tells Bustle. Sure, his ex may be gorgeous, but her beauty was not enough to keep the relationship afloat. You shouldn't be the only one initiating check-in texts or calls, planning date nights, or bringing up issues that need to be discussed. However, the psychological needs of the narcissist are too extensive to be satisfied by just one personality trait in a potential partner. When His Ex is Prettier Than You. But do not date anyone untilmyou get your issues under control. You lost his love by treating him badly. Remember that feeling and avoid it going forward. "Perhaps they arent as outgoing as you and you seek out others while they seek solace. Wendys right that weve all had our Super Special Loves. If it's the latter, that's a good indicator that this relationship might be worth leaving b) How deeply do you feel you know and understand the person you're with? Key points The experience of having a close relationship with someone with narcissistic personality is a frequent presenting problem in psychotherapy. He knows he has all the power. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. 6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic - Mark Manson Akin to the calculated and transactional way narcissists get their needs met, the partner is selected as an object or "value add.". Is this how youd help her through this difficult time shes clearly having? Your password is not compliant with our restrictions. Intellectually, you need someone who mentally stimulates you and who you don't get bored talking to, she says. RedRoverRedRover Block him every which way he might be able to get in touch with you since you don't trust yourself not to reply, and MOA, because there's someone better on the horizon for you. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Ive been the stable friend who talks someone down from a panic or anxiety attack, and let me just say one late night rescue a week was pushing it. Sometimes being on your own for a while is good. But its so hard to just give up on someone I love so much. Thats a good way for her to behave going forward? I'm really insecure about all of this. I have heard of similar things at our local state school too. If you are in college, go now! I dunno, I know it happens, and I also know from being so involved with this site, that LWs very often suppress, gloss over, or entirely leave out facts that would color our impression negatively. I wont mention any names but I can think of a laundry list of gorgeous celebrities that seem dull or (perhaps) even a tad brain-dead in interviews. I always tell my clients in my practice the same thing: What keeps someone coming back to you is humor and warmth. So if he thinks his ex is prettier than me, that means he thinks im a downgrade and it honestly really hurts. You feel as if they dont bring a lot to the table," and as a result, you may feel frustrated. She was right to cut him off, wrong to jump back in bed. if youre truly done, you could have prevented him contacting you by popular means by blocking him, which is what I would have done after a guy I told not to talk to me again (which I would have meant, clearly unlike you) decided hed rather get his own needs met by continuing contact. 5 FALSE Reasons Why You Think You Don't Deserve Love Empathy, in a word, is an opiate for the narcissist. Such individuals are typically emotionally sensitive and they may doubt or second-guess themselves in emotionally complex situations. Id suggest that you figure out how to get a handle on your trust issues before a future relationship though, because it sounds like maybe that makes you become somewhat controlling and thats going to be a problem to most people. If your partner ever makes you feel like youre the problem in the relationship, you may want to rethink whether this relationship is right for you. Its awful to be accused of cheating or even thinking of cheating when you have done nothing to deserve it. Because he is not ready to commit to you completely and this will happen again. If youre starting to feel embarrassed about bringing your partner around your family, you're constantly making excuses for them, or you find yourself pressuring them to clean up their mistakes, you may not be in sync anymore. Trying to date might be his way of trying to get back to what they had before when the relationship was good. It was something along the lines of sometimes when you are both drowning, you need to let go of each other so you can swim back up on your own. 1. Need help with your relationship? 1. That will fuck with a guys head, just like him saying oh I need a break, but lets still go on dates will fuck with a girls head. All rights reserved. I am at a complete crossroads. Personally, Id probably take a few days off from work, use it to grieve, eat lots of ice cream and wear PJs all day. Every one has said some good things, but Id like to add that your life has so many other components than your love life. Narcissists deficient self and inner resources make them dependent on other people to affirm their impaired self-esteem and fragile ego. When the subject of his ex comes up, feel free to listen but dont follow it up with questions about her personality, career, or lifestyle. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. Is that okay to feel that way while in a new relationship? Im really sympathetic to the guy here. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Why do I feel like my boyfriend deserves someone prettier than me? I think he was being manipulative, but I dont know if he was consciously so. Thats not normal behaviour. Let me say from the start that I feel your pain. You both did a little mindfucking here. So be easy on yourself, and resolve to do better next time. My boyfriend said his ex is prettier than me. is that okay? According to Prescott, this may be a sign that your partner is unwilling to put forth the effort you need from them. As a practicing psychologist, one of the most common problems patients present is the stress and confusion that stems from having a relationship with someone who is narcissistic. Just dont get back together this time, because clearly you two dont work together. Now Im dating a fantastic guy and obviously we fight or sometimes we drive each other a little nuts, but the relationship is stable and relaxing. The necessary physical chemistry is there, but thats all. You know who else has felt similar love for someone at least once in his or her life? In an ideal world, it would be. It is a common misconception that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners. Yes, there are situations when someone is treating someone badly and they do deserve better. You are so young, just take time for yourself, go out and have fun with your friends and forget about him for now. And on some level, obnoxiously, I feel as though I'm better than my current boyfriend (more educated, attractive, cultured, and generally skilled). You two make a bad couple. That being said you must stand up for yourself telling the friend you will not tolerate his boorish behavior any longer. In case not, it's this: he wasn't the one. Not only has he been studying intimate relationships for more than forty years, but he practically invented the field. Being someone's "everything" may seem romantic. A better you makes for a better relationship. If your partner isnt pushing you to be better, or theyre constantly bringing out the worst in you, this may not be the right relationship for you. Why do I feel like my boyfriend deserves someone prettier than - Quora If you answered yes to any of those things, then heres the blunt truth. Why should I keep forgiving him if he just keeps walking all over me? I asked him not to do this, but he did. To be clear, I did make the mistake of asking this question. The question becomes, what do you do with this information? As the Twins of the Zodiac, they feel a lot of different emotions at once. Should You Be Polite to Your Romantic Partner? Gaslighting is a behavior that causes the receiving party to doubt or second-guess their perspective on reality. I think youd mention that. If you feel like you and your partner are moving in different directions you want to live in different places, have different goals financially, disagree on whether to get married or have kids, for instance then these are pretty big red flags that your relationship may not be fulfilling for you, Stef Safran, matchmaker and dating expert, tells Bustle. I think if he had cheated on her or she found evidence of his probably cheating, that she would have said that in her letter. Nope, not buying that. My Family Says Theyll Disown and Shun Me If I Divorce My Husband, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). So, stick to your word block him so he cant contact you, and make an effort to move on, even if youre scared to. - Quora Answer (1 of 4): I think you need to stop putting yourself down so much I also think you are fishing for compliments. I deserve to stand alongside every one of those women whom I compare myself to. Physically too, you need to be challenged by a partner who you're excited to be with intimately, and who you don't just fall into a routine with.". Reddit, Inc. 2023. And theres the rub, Lost and Confused. In my 20 years of experience of providing psychotherapy to patients, I've found anecdotally that the self-esteem of narcissists' partners is complex, often including a mix of high and low self-esteem. by littlerelaxbear Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:34 pm, Unread post The right partner for you will add value to your life. The surest way to become insecure or obsessive is to know too much about his ex. Gemini wants to scream at their . Privacy Policy. I'm quiet and introverted. /S [deleted] 3 yr. ago There's just some things you keep to yourself. But with time I realized it was for the best, and so did he. LW lacks the emotional stability for a solid relationship. He answered truthfully which I respect but now I feel super insecure and hesitant to continue the relationship. 3) You are quite right to want break off completely. "You have to be realistic that people tell you things to give you information, not to have their minds changed down the line," she says.